I know I look great here, I'll own that. I'm super proud of it and I'm really excited that I have these images of myself. So much so, that I've asked my husband to have them up at my funeral. I want my beauty to be celebrated. I want people to know I lived and I loved, hard. I am so passionate about helping women find themselves and loving their bodies and who they are.
But do you think I was always this person? No way. I grew up hating how I looked and was told that I wasn't pretty by many people. School kids really suck!
I believed them. I let them dull my sparkle. It was making holes in my heart, and it wasn't allowing me to find love either. My relationships struggled with friends, family and definitely my "love life". It wasn't a great time for me.
I'd heard of boudoir photography when I was about 18, I believe. I thought it was so weird! Who needs a picture of their butt and what are they going to really do with that?
Year passed and I came very close to finding myself. Then I met my husband. WHAT A JERK. He literally swept me off my feet, moved me an hour away from EVERYONE I knew and loved, and made me fall in love with him. THE NERVE. After a year exactly, we were engaged. 10 months later we were married. 21 months later, we were finally expecting our miracle. And I lost myself again.
I was thrilled to be a mother. Nothing made/makes me happier. But I needed some ME time. I needed some self love. I stumbled upon boudoir again. "Maybe when I lose some weight..." I thought. So I put it off.
Months passed and I still wanted to do it. "Maybe after I save some money AND lose this weight..." I thought. So I put it off.
One day, I was sick of it. This was something I wanted for me. I could get hit by a car tomorrow. What pictures would they have to remember me by? I need to feel sexy before I die, dammit. I still put it off.
Finally, I contacted a photographer I had been following silently for months and got her information and pricing. Then, I took out my paypal credit and booked her. Done. Paid. I'm doing this. No turning back now!
I started finding lingerie and jewelry (which I don't even really wear or own much at all!) and I booked the date thinking I would lose the weight by then.
Nope. When I went in for my session I was 186 - one of my heaviest weights ever (without a fetus taking up space in my body).
I KILLED MY SESSION. We laughed, posed through the stress, and I was present again. I had found myself. I was alive again. It was a refreshing rebirth into my motherhood.
It was something I was interested in, but I had no idea how badly I needed this for my emotional and spiritual growth. I needed this for my sanity, my self worth, my sexuality... I had no idea what I had just opened myself up to. I never wanted this feeling to end, so I began my journey into boudoir photography. I had been in business since 2009 but I shut down everything and focus solely on boudoir and newborns in 2011. Yes, that's right - naked babies and naked ladies since 2011. And I wouldn't have it any other way.