“My body” has been the object for enjoyment/pleasure/use of others for as long as I can remember. It never felt like it was mine, it was never good enough, and I truly believed it deserved all of the sexual/physical abuse, it deserved all of the snide comments, the scars, and most of all the hate I felt for it. My body was a benefit for everyone but me. This was normal...this was me. Over the years I allowed these thoughts from my past traumas to dictate my life. I welcomed anyone into it that would show me the slightest bit of affection. Healthy or not. It was what I deserved.
So many friends have done boudoir shoots and I envied them. They looked so strong, sure of themselves, and beautiful. I didn’t know if I could feel that way but I wanted it so badly. Just to accept myself and to most of all feel like my body was more than just some hollow vessel.
I asked for recommendations and found myself drawn to Missy’s images and esthetic. Then talked myself into reaching out. Coming into the session my anxiety was through the roof and I just couldn’t see how anyone could make me feel about myself like the women in those pictures. My body is imperfect, how would that translate into anything positive?
Missy and Whitney made me feel like I was welcomed, comfortable, gorgeous, and most importantly safe. My mind still kept me unsure but I had fun and clicked with Missy almost instantly.
This session didn’t instantly ‘fix’ my mindset but for the first time in my life my body was mine. It was strong, beautiful, and unafraid. I can look at these images and start to see the woman everyone else says I am. The woman I want to be. It’s hard for me to show emotion. Over the years my mind goes into self survival mode and numbs itself. After seeing these images I legit cried...I’ve got a long way to go but now I have these images to remind me that I did turn into that badass that I always imagined myself in my mind when I would numb out as a kid to survive the world I knew.